either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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