Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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