So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
