Fine. I'll sleep in my office
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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