i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
