You can't special order awesome
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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