mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
