oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
