um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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