ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
