I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
