matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I have already put on my inside pants.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
