I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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