My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
