these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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