you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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