I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
