we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
