and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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