She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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