Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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