I can tuck mytits in my pants
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
