You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I don't deserve a penis
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
