she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just found a bag of teeth...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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