Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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