Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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