When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
