I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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