i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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