shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
