i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
