nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
