I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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