As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
