Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
