On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
