Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
