I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
