Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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