So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
