They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
