cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
