remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
