Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
