just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
