We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
