Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
