I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
