3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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