I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
