It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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