I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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