is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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