oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
