I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
