the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
