if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize