from now on my penis is your penis
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
