Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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