i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
