I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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