First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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