R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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