Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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