At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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