There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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