When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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