Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
