On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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