Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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